DOZEN FACTS ON RELATIONSHIP (2)

DOZEN FACTS ON RELATIONSHIP (2)

(13) LOVE IS NOT ALL THAT COUNTS

He is everything wrong but you love him. He lies a lot but you love him anyway. He beats you and does not really respect you but you really love him. All your body is lacerated, blistered and battered by his well aimed and directed punches and blows but you still love him and nothing can really separate you two. Every day or week it’s one trouble or another but you still love her. Every good counselor has told you it will not work but you are holding on because you love her.

He is demanding for sex before marriage and as if that is not bad enough, he is demanding it every day in spite of your stiff resistance but you love him and so willing to hang on but also determined not to succumb to his sinful sexual demands.

You know what; you are not really in love with that person. You are only in love with the concept or idea called love.

As important as love is in a relationship, it is not the most fundamental thing. Besides, you are only in love with this person because you gave him or her chance in your life. Who says you cannot fall in love with someone that is better mannered than him or her if you give that other person a chance?

You keep saying that love is blind. Yes, love is blind but love is not stupid. A blind person is not necessarily a stupid person and most stupid people are not necessarily blind.

Often, very great relationship does not start with love. It starts with one attraction or another before love will eventually develop. For a reasonable woman, it should not start with her love for the man. It is better she accesses and determines the man’s love or strong feelings for her first. Wise women do not marry who they love. They marry who really loves them.

Finally, do not forget that love is not really static. If well managed it can blossom and make for very beautiful companionship but if mishandled, it can turn to unmitigated hatred. Beware how you love and what you tolerate because of love. That same bad character or habit you are tolerating and covering up for him or her today, may turn out the key reason for heartbreak, hatred and divorce tomorrow. No, it’s not all about love.

(14) ARE YOU MARRIED TO A REAL PARTNER

In a God ordained marriage both of you are supposed to be real partners in progress. Though two of you become one, you are supposed to maintain certain but reasonable level of your individuality for the sake of the union. You are not to give up every part of your individuality otherwise you make your home a disaster.

One such thing you do not give up is your brain. Marriage is not the same thing as brain loss. It is not correct to say think you got married and lost your brain. This is primarily directed at the women folks. The ‘’everything he does is good and okay’’ reasoning should be trodden with uttermost care. This however does not mean that because the man listens to you, you take over and dominate the entire decision making process and turn him to your robot. Remember that his marrying you too is not the same as his losing his brain to you.

Also, you the woman must remember that God is going to hold the man responsible for every decision taken in the family though he may not necessarily be the one taking or making that decision. So, do not overshadow the man in his God’s given responsibility.

The man too should not seek to have a dummy as a partner and please for the good of the union; you should not so intimidate her that she can no longer express her opinion freely. It is only a foolish husband that would not allow his wife talk to him and even occasionally voice her protest strongly.

Even if she has to abide by your decision, you should allow her make her opinion known and not just for talking sake. You should sincerely and thoroughly consider her opinion. As much as you can, make sure you give her listening ear.

Do not forget that two wise heads are better than one. In everything, including decisions in the family, two can always chase away ten thousand evils more than one can do with just a thousand.

(15) SUBMIT TO THE WORD OF GOD ON EVERY ISSUE

You seal a pact to struggling and suffering all through your life in any relationship when you align or marry a person who believes in going about the relationship or settling problems in the relationship any other way than the word of God.

A person who does not believe in God’s word as a final authority on any issue is a time bomb that will explode before you know it. Never have anything to do with a person like that and marrying a person like that is equal to marrying a cell mate.

The truth is that a person who does not submit to the word of God would not be committed to its dictates. He will find it difficult to really love his wife no matter the problem. She will find it too difficult to submit to her husband especially when she appears more successful than him. It would be difficult to obtain forgiveness from any of them. Her mouth would be like razor that can pull down an entire empire in a matter of seconds. His temper would be like that of the devil.

Remarkably, if you did not submit to the word of God as the basis of the relationship you will find it almost impossible to submit while in it. Those who build on the basis of the word of God are liken to those who build on the rock and what they have built will stand the test of time no matter the wind.

In John 2, the mother of Jesus showed us the solution to every marital situation to be ‘’what He tells you to do, do it.’’ Whatever Jesus tells you to do, do it. Jesus is the word and submitting to the word means submitting to Jesus. Opening the Bible is opening up the path to solution on any issue and in Revelations 5 we discover that there will be weeping until you open the book.

So, in all your ‘’ships’’ (courtship, friendship, fellowship, trusteeship, worship etc) you will keep on weeping and struggling until you submit to God’s word as final authority.

By submission I mean total submission. I do not mean hybrid type of submission where you try merging marriage according to worldly or traditional dictates with that of the word of God.

(16) CHARACTER IS SUPERIOR TO LOVE

As I have posited earlier, love is not the most important thing in marriage. Character is. Character can easily develop and grow love but love cannot develop or grow into character. I have met many couples who never loved their spouse before situations and circumstances brought them together. I have heard many of them now saying he or she did not know that his or her spouse was such a nicely mannered person.

Rather than expending much time seeking for a relationship please use the time to work on your character because your character has the greater possibility of attracting the right person than any other thing. It also has the greatest potentiality of dispelling or chasing away some of the best people if not built. It cannot really be hidden for a long time because it is like pregnancy.

Frankly, character cannot expose you as fast as your make up can do but character exposure is more solid than make up exposure. Yes, your make up can attract your partner but your character is what keeps him or her.

Character is who you are in secret, it is also who you are when you are under pressure. It is built. It can grow stronger and it can grow weaker. It can also be lost. Character lost is the worst tragedy on earth and the worst crises in this world are character related crises. Behind every divorce or separation is a character problem.

Indiscipline is a character problem. Lying to your spouse is a character problem, cheating on your spouse is a character problem. Raising your hand in an attempt to hit your wife is a terrible character problem no matter the provocation. Talking to your husband with disdain and contempt is a serious character problem.

Never marry a character liability because of love. Instead, marry a love liability because of character and a greater love will grow and blossom.

NEVER MARRY THE CONTAINER BUT MARRY THE CONTENT

Many singles marry because of outward appearances (beauty, money, gifts, height, complexion etc) without considering the character of the person. The container is not the real person, it’s only a camouflage and it’s very deceptive. This is why you must involve God. Container attraction or packaging can be very powerfully compelling that you need only God to deliver you from making a choice on its basis. Only God can show you the true content. Even when the content is good; it may not still be your own. It may be another person’s. So, go to God for your real own spouse.

A good spouse that is for you is a golden fish in a deep dark ocean. It takes the eye of God to see it.

Sit down now and work prayerfully on your character because where there is character, destiny is guaranteed.

(17) NEVER GIVE GOD SPECIFICATIONS OF A SPOUSE

Do not make the mistake of giving the specifications of height, color, age, background, place of origin, educational background, wealth etc to God as what He should give you for a spouse. You must know that sometimes, what we think is good for us may not be good after all, what we think is the best may even be the worst if compared to what God has in store for us (1Corinthians 2; 9- 16).

Think of it, a woman got critically ill just few weeks after her marriage and her husband (a dedicated Christian) stood by her for eight years of that horrible sickness until she got healed in a Benny Hinns crusade.

What would have happened if this woman did not marry according to the will of God but by her own specification? What would have happened for eight years that started shortly after their wedding and the husband could not sleep with her? This woman never really wanted to marry this husband but because she obeyed God who knew what lay ahead of her, she got her own husband.

Indeed, God’s ways are not our ways; His thoughts are not our thoughts. As the heaven is higher than the earth, so are His ways and thoughts higher than ours (Isaiah 55; 8- 9).

(18) WRONG MENTAL FOUNDATION

Any foundation that is based on a wrong mental attitude will be very wrong and injurious to your marital well-being. If you don’t think right, you cannot live right. If your marriage must be alright, then you must organize your mind from errors. You must avoid the following thoughts about marital life;

‘’Men are generally evil.’’ ‘’Women are generally bad.’’ ‘’All mother-in-laws are bad.’’ ‘’Marriage is 50/50.’’ ‘’Wives should be beaten if they misbehave.’’ ‘’No man can control me.’’ ‘’No woman should know how much I earn.’’ ‘’There is nothing like genuine love again.’’ ‘’No woman should be trusted.’’ ‘’Men are unreliable.’’

‘’If you show a woman that you love her she would start to misbehave.’’ ‘’My children and not my spouse are number one in my life.’’ ‘’I can’t stay in the same room with a woman.’’ ‘’It is wrong to play with ones wife.’’ ‘’It is unmanly to tell a woman I love you.’’

(19) MARRIAGE WITHOUT ANY SOURCE OF INCOME

Getting married without any source of livelihood, but with faith in God that he would provide, is a shaky foundation. God gave Adam work in the Garden of Eden before He gave him a wife. See what the Bible says in Proverbs 24; 27;

‘’Prepare thy work without and make it fit for thyself in the field, and afterwards build thine house’’.

Furthermore, the Bible teaches that he who does not work should not also eat. So, how can a person who is not qualified to eat qualify to marry, how in the world?

(20) RELATIONAL FOUNDATION

Marriage is basically a relationship and we must always bear this fact in mind. There are things that must be put in place to lay a solid relational foundation for marriage. Some couple lay physical and spiritual foundation for their marriage but fails woefully when it comes to relational foundation. This is the key reason why many couples are not companions; they are not friends not to ever talk of lovers. This should not happen in your own marriage and that is why you must lay a relational foundation for your marriage in the following ways;

• RESOLVE TO BUILD FRIENDLINESS IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Before you sign the dotted lines, you must be friends. This may not be difficult before marriage but after the wedding it is another ball game. Unless you resolve to always be friends and you go all out for it, you may never be friends and may even end up becoming sworn-enemies. That is why you must discuss about it, and make plans about friendship in your marriage. Does it surprise to know that more than 85% of couples around today are not friends; some are like co tenants, combatants, competitors, housemates, or even dedicated enemies. You need to consciously plan to become and remain friends. Friendship will make your marriage romantic, interesting, stronger, better and enjoyable. A wise man said, ‘’Marriage without friendship is like a sky without sun’’.

• OPENNESS

Learn to be open to your intending spouse and make sure the person too is open to you. Never marry anybody you cannot freely discuss your pass with and be very careful about marrying any secretive person who cannot tell you his or her mind.

• TRUTH

Be truthful with your partner and marry only as a truthful partner. Anybody that keeps on telling lies will be too dangerous for your destiny.

• RESOLVE TO DO THINGS TOGETHER

Decide to do things in unison from your courtship days and throughout your entire married life. Agree to stay in the same room and on the same bed when you are married. Agree to pray together, play together, plan together, eat together, and do things generally together. Agree on this now and stick to it after your wedding.

• RESOLVE TO FORGIVE EACH OTHER QUICKLY ON EVERY ISSUE

No matter how much you love and care for each other, you will still continue to offend each other in marriage. Hence, agree to always forgive each other and go all out for it. Talk and pray about it before your wedding. Study the scriptures together on forgiveness; agree that none of you is perfect, hence both of you should expect to be offended and both of you should be ready to generously forgive.

• RESOLVE NEVER TO RETURN TO OLD ISSUES

A step ahead is to agree never to refer to an old offence, ‘’that was exactly what you did when…’’ ‘’You always do so …’’ ‘’you have started again to…’’

Whenever you settle a case, never refer to it again; forward ever, backward never. It takes discipline and training to do this but with positive mind-set and decision, you can make it.

Disputes and misunderstanding are easily handled if old issues are eliminated. Learn to deal with current issues; they are big enough to occupy you.

• RESOLVE TO COMMUNICATE DEEPLY AND OPENLY

Most couples talk but only few discuss. Many make noise while only few communicate. If you want your future marriage to be blissful, learn to communicate, talk truthfully, deeply and openly to each other. Without communication in any marriage, frustration takes the center stage. Lay a foundation of communication and agree to be good communicators in marriage.

• RESOLVE TO LISTEN TO EACH OTHER

Communication is of no use when nobody listens. Learn the good habit of listening to each other. Learn to listen in such a way that you will understand not just what your spouse is saying but his or her feelings about what he or she is saying. Listen passionately, with an open heart and listen with love.

• RESOLVE TO APOLOGIZE TO EACH OTHER

Agree to apologize to each other whenever there is an offence. Learn to say, ‘’I am sorry’’ sincerely to each other. This will prevent your marriage from being in a sorry state.

• RESOLVE TO LOVE EACH OTHER

Both of you should resolve to do everything to keep your love aglow. Do not allow anything to come between two of you.

• RESOLVE TO ALWAYS SETTLE YOUR DIFFERENCES EVERY NIGHT BEFORE YOU GO TO BED

Never allow the sun to set on your differences, do not go to bed until you have laid your misunderstanding to rest.

• RESOLVE TO ALWAYS PRAY TOGETHER

Agree to be prayer partners, start to pray together before marriage and continue in marriage. Take every issue to the altar of prayer together because it is at the altar that you can alter all the plans of the enemy against your home.

• RESOLVE TO ELIMINATE THIRD PARTIES

Marriage is for two; decide it’s always between the two of you and don’t allow anybody no matter how close (fathers, mothers, children, brothers, sisters, friends, colleagues, etc) come between you. The third party in marriage is always a dangerous party, your wife or husband should be number one in your life and not any other person. In marriage, two is a company while three is a crowd.

• RESOLVE TO PLAY TOGETHER

Great couples that are friends do not just pray together, they also play together. Real dating should start in marriage; the husband and wife should learn to relax together. Crack jokes, laugh heartily, pat each other on the back, and be real playmates.

• RESOLVE TO APPRECIATE EACH OTHER GENEROUSLY

Decide to always fill each other’s emotional cup by always appreciating each other. Consciously talk about it and make it part of your daily life. Everybody loves to be appreciated, so use this great key in your own marriage.

IF YOU ARE NOT MARRIED AND YOU ARE READING THIS, I SEE GOD PREPARING YOU FOR YOUR MARRIAGE AS LONG AS YOU ARE READY IN JESUS NAME. I DECLARE THAT GOD WILL BRING YOU TO YOUR SPOUSE IN A VERY SHORT TIME IN JESUS NAME.

(21) WHAT TO DO TILL LOVE FINDS YOU

Before you locate the right person to marry or before love finds you, you must not be idle. You must be busy doing something worthwhile with your life. In fact, you are most likely going to meet your life partner while engaging yourself purposefully and gainfully.

DEVELOP YOURSELF

Don’t wait for marriage, let marriage wait for you. Develop yourself. You can go back to school to get the best of education. You can enroll for a professional course, go for your Masters, learn that trade, go for that training, work on yourself and become better. Nobody wants to marry a liability. Be an asset, be a better person.

SPIRITUAL STEWARDSHIP

The best way to live and have a glorious youthful and single life is to use that period in the active and uncompromising service of the Lord. You must not be useless or a bench heater in the house of God. It is either you are attracted to the work of God or that of iniquity. There is no sitting on the fence.

You can be in prayer band, choir, evangelism, drama, mission, counseling, visitation, welfare, Bible study department, etc. By all means, get busy with the Lord.

YOUTH DEPARTMENT

Irrespective of your age, as long as you are still single; do not opt out of the youth department of your church. Be part of them. Most single who are advanced in age always choose to abstain from fellowship with the youth in their church. This is wrong. There is the high possibility that you are going to meet your life partner while fellow-shipping with other youths and singles. If singles must marry then they must mingle righteously.

RIGHT ASSOCIATION

Walk in the company of godly and good people. If you associate with wrong people you are most likely going to marry one of them. This is so because your right spouse would for sure come from your circle of friends.

PURPOSE BEFORE PARTNER

Who are you? Why are you here? What is your purpose? Self discovery is said to be the best discovery. You need to discover yourself and make the most of it. You must not live as a substitute. You can’t work all your life in someone else farm and you can’t also afford to be in the shadow.

It is only and only when you have known who you are that you can know the partner that will suit your life and purpose. It is not everybody that can really fit into your calling.

LEARN HOW TO MAKE MONEY

Marriage needs money. You cannot steal it. You cannot even beg for it. You can only work for it. There is dignity in labor so get down and start working.

LEARN HOW TO MANAGE MONEY

Making money is not really the matter but managing it. Some people make money all their lives and still die poor and miserable because of their inability to manage money. You must learn how to manage money before you ever get married and that is if you desire a prosperous home.

PREPARE YOURSELF FOR MARRIAGE

While waiting for love to find you or you find love, take that time out to prepare yourself for marriage. Prepare spiritually, physically, mentally, socially and financially for marriage. Get yourself ready, learn and become a better person.

IMPROVE YOUR KNOWLEDGE

ON MARRIAGE

Learn about marriage, read books, listen to discs, and watch videos on marriage programmes. Go for counseling and make sure you have a marriage model or mentor.

DRESS RIGHTLY

Dress to attract the right partner. Be decent, be godly and always keep in mind the fact that the way you dress is the way people will address you.

Be wise.

PRAY CEASELESSLY

Be aggressive in prayer. Be very prayerful and spend hours on your knees. Pray about everything, pray about your future in particular.

LOVE YOUR BIBLE

Be an avid student of the Bible. Spend quality time with the word of God and any anointed material that would aid your understanding of the Bible. This will make you wiser, better and more informed.

WORK ON YOUR CHARACTER;

Anybody who is going to marry you will for sure do for the right or wrong reasons. Whichever way and no matter the reason the person married you; it is your character that the person would live with.

If you really want to enjoy marriage then you must work on your character with all zeal and seriousness while waiting for marriage.

Take this time to deal with anger, pride, stinginess, laziness, oversleeping, lying, stubbornness, extravagance, prayerlessness, lust, self-centeredness, rigidity, wickedness, etc. All these can easily destroy your marriage. Stand against these negative attitudes; break their strong holds upon your life. Pray seriously about them and be victorious. Become a brand new person, somebody whose partner will easily say tomorrow, ‘’Thank God I married you’’.

(22) WRONG REASONS FOR MARRIAGE

Many people want to get married for various reasons but some of these reasons are wrong. Let us veer into some of these wrong reasons in order that you get rid of them and prevent a marriage that would only lead to regret.

GIFT

‘’He (she) who is greedy for gain, troubles his own house, but he who hates gift will live’’ (Proverbs 15; 27).

Never marry a man or woman because of what you are getting from him or her. Gift blindfolds; you must run away from it because that gift may end up to be a bait or ‘’Greek gift’’ (Proverbs 15; 27).

MONEY

The love of money is the root of all evil (1Timothy 6; 10). Never marry somebody because of wealth. Money may turn into Mourning if that is your main reason to marry. Never trade your destiny with mere present pleasure. This may cost you more than you can ever envisage or ever able to afford.

ELECTION

Do not ever allow your marriage to be based on ‘’election’’. People around you may encourage you to marry a particular person for one consult God. It is a high frequency risk to ignore this fact. Majority may not necessarily carry the vote in marriage because marriage is not an election. It is a revelation.

SELECTION

This is a system where you do not consult God but decides to check out on all available brothers or sisters in order to determine who to marry among them. This is your own way of selecting the ‘’best’’ candidate by trial or by error. This is also wrong. Marriage should not be by selection. It should rather be by revelation.

BEAUTY

‘’Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing, but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised’’ (Proverbs 31; 30). Do not marry a person because of his or her physical appearance because appearance will ultimately fade and you will know reality later.

BUSINESS

Some people just decide to get married because they have been good business partners. Well, a good business partner may not necessarily be a good life partner; allow God to lead you.

POSITION

This is getting married to a person because of his or her present position. For example, all most all sisters in the fellowship will want to marry the fellowship president. Certainly, president may not mean heaven resident and position today may become opposition tomorrow. Never marry a person because of position.

LUST

Many singles cannot really differentiate between sexual attraction (lust) and love; so they go head long into marriage on the terribly deceptive grounds of lust. You must watch out carefully because many lust professors would come to you in disguise as love professors.

INFATUATION

This is foolish love that is based on outward appearance. Infatuation marriages carry the highest risk of failure and this would always happen fast. Mind you, beware!

TALENT

Some singles would desire marrying a particular person because of the person’s talent or ability. That is why you may see many brothers scrambling to marry the praise worship leader or sisters running after the lead guitarist or even the choir master. Marriage should not be based on what the man or the woman can do; it should be based on who he is.

SEX

It is not a new thing to hear some men say, ‘’I will marry her because she is good in bed’’. This is not only sinful (how did he know?) but also very dangerous. Marriage is not all about sex, and if this is your key reason for marriage then regret may not be really far from you.

ASSOCIATION

I will always encourage a person to marry a close friend. This is so because somebody can divorce a spouse but can hardly divorce a friend. Yes, one being your close friend is a good attraction for marriage but it’s not also a major reason. The fact that the person is close is not conclusive evidence that the person is your life partner.

NEVER MARRY FOR THE WRONG REASON.

WHEN YOU CARRY EXCRETA IN YOUR BAG THEN YOU MUST KEEP UP WITH THE FELLOWSHIP FLIES

(23) ALL ABOUT COMMUNICATION

WORDS HAVE THE POWER OF LIFE AND DEATH

(Proverbs 18; 20)

• You are what you say. So watch what you say.

• Your words reflect your values and beliefs.

• Keep secrets confidential. If the people who spoke with you in confidence wanted the whole world to know about it, they would have posted it on the internet.

• You are not better than anyone else, so do not speak condescendingly to people.

• Be extremely polite to people. It is a door opener in career and relationships.

• When you are tempted to be rude, resist it.

• Listen to all sides before you speak. Only a fool speaks without facts.

• Listen twice as much as you speak. Self confidence is talking less and listening more.

• If you don’t know what to say, say nothing.

• Make sure that what you are saying is the truth so you never have to live in fear of being discovered.

• Think twice, speak once.

• If you catch yourself exaggerating, correct yourself immediately and say the right thing. The more you lie, the more you create new lies to cover-up the previous ones you concocted. You will forever be looking behind your back to see what is catching up with you among your lies. Truth liberates you. The path of integrity is always the best choice.

• To become an exceptional conversationalist, practice active listening, ask questions, don’t interrupt others and maintain eye contact.

• The easiest way to make an enemy is to win an argument and make the other person look stupid especially in public. Express your opinion and let other express theirs.

• Learn to pay compliments to people, especially when they look, dress, speak or perform better than you.

• Don’t try to impress people with your accomplishments, let them discover it themselves.

• Name dropping is inappropriate. Don’t use the names of successful or famous people in conversation to boost your low esteem.

• Speak of the good in all your relationships, both past and present.

• Learn to be assertive, tactful and sensitive.

• Say the best about people you are not really close to but have heard or read about. Some of their friends may be present listening to you.

• When talking to people, avoid talking about your hurts and those who engineered them.

• Don’t advertise your past failures, shortcomings or weaknesses. Always engage in edifying conversation.

• Work on your communication skills. There is no worst putt off than a good looking man or woman with a terrible command of English language. Improve yourself. Remember that your facial expression and body language

• form about 60% of your communication, so let your words and your non verbal cues harmonize. Your ability to express yourself clearly will draw people to you and open doors of opportunity in relationships and business.

(24) ALL ABOUT SEX

• Sex is a gift from God for people of the opposite sex who are married. It comes with lots of responsibility. Make your stand known about it. You are ready to get married and you will not fool around with sex. Guys tend to be very evasive about sex until they have made an attempt on you. Settle this matter when you are just starting out; there will be no sex until marriage, period.

• Don’t stay over at his place for whatever reason. If you don’t have a ride, ask him to drive you home, or call a taxi for you. If you stay over, he may think that you really do belong to him and anything can happen from then on. Men that rape their dates look very normal until it happens. Don’t give anyone that opportunity. Maintain yourself respect. Carry yourself with dignity. Protect your integrity. If you sleep over, the next thing on his mind will be sex and that girl friend, is the beginning of the road to destruction for that relationship.

• You do not prove love to him by having sex with him. Your value is not in the sex you offer but in your soul. If he insists on sex then maybe he is not the one for you. You must define your boundaries at the beginning of your relationship before things get out of hand. Learn to say NO, and stick to it.

• Men are very physical. A man sees you in a gorgeous dress and he immediately starts thinking sex. Never expose your nakedness to him for any reason. Let him take you to the altar first.

• Do not play sexual games with him. You are not an object of sex. Don’t give him the impression that you are.

• A man sees you in an attractive dress and he is already aroused, but for you to be aroused most times, it involves words and touch. When a man you like starts touching your soul with his words, a sexual chemistry may most likely be created which may lead to sexual arousal. Engaging in long conversation with a man you don’t want to have a serious relationship with is dangerous, because before you realize it, both of you may begin to relate to an intimate an deep emotional level you never intended. Touch communicates interest and love but different kinds of touch elicit different kinds of emotional response from you. You must know your limits and stay within them. Kissing, touching and petting are always dangerous grounds to tread on. Don’t start something that is guaranteed to end in disaster.

• You cannot tie him down to you by satisfying his sexual cravings or getting pregnant for him. Trying to manipulate, control and seduce him through sex will always prove counterproductive. In 2Samuel 13, Amnon, the son of King David had illicit sex with a woman. Immediately after the act, the Bible records that he hated her with passion. The sex did not bring them any closer; rather, it drove them apart.

• God says sex is for the marriage bed. It is holy. It is divine. Hollywood and Nollywood has cheapened it in movies, trying to make immorality look natural. Sex is a symbol of the covenant you have with your husband.

• Sex is the ritual that seals the marriage covenant. You can only seal it after signing the marriage register.

• Pr-marital sex brings sin and guilt into your relationship. You create an atmosphere of fear and distrust. There is no faster way to kill the relationship than that.

• Pr-marital sex now could lead to promiscuity later.

• He values you highly and thinks you are super spiritual because you refuse to have sex with him until you are legally married to him. If you succumb to your libido or his pressure, you break this perception and it will lower your value and estimation in his eyes.

• You don’t really know him. He may have a long history of sex-escapades and may have contracted several diseases in the process. STD and AIDS cannot be seen on a person’s face. Burst that condom thought! People have AIDS today in spite of the use of condoms. The safest form of protection is abstinence. Simply say NO!

• You will develop an emotional tie with him that could prove to be disastrous if you are not married to him. Sex creates a bonding known as ‘Soul-Tie’ that God reserved exclusively for married couples. Anything anybody says after that wouldn’t matter to you. You will be under a spell unless God shows you mercy. People get married to the wrong mates because their minds were under the influence of soul-tie. Their eyes were later opened by God’s mercy, and they had to leave the marriage.

• Pr-marital sex may lead to an unwanted pregnancy, which could totally destroy your relationship. Whether or not the man is responsible for it, he may deny ownership. How can he be certain that he is the real owner? You may end up with a child out of wedlock.

• No matter how far you have gone in a relationship built around sex, turn back now. It doesn’t matter how many years you have been courting, disengage yourself from future torture.